I can't cry.
I just couldn't.
Many years ago, I had unknowingly shed away this utmost human feature with the eventual transition.
What was used to be words that gotten in my juvenile head and drove me to tears with a blink. Now I could just sit there in the dark, eyes clutching, and no aqueous humor will come.
I think crying helps to relieve pressure and tension.
Just like screaming at the ocean.
Crying bleed your overwhelming emotions to a healthy brake.
Crying makes you feel.
Human.
I could not remember when is the last time I had a good cry.
The chest tighten and voices squirming for a jailbreak. I thought about King Lear. How sorrow killed him.
In Terminator 2, T-800 had said:
'I know now why you cry. But it's something I can never do.'
Sadness is intoxicating. It will break your heart if the buildup is excessive.
They are going to cut me up like a cattle, my girl is out of the country, it is dawning, I had suspended all my daily activities and prepare for that fateful day, I couldn't stop thinking about future, Radiohead's 'Wish You Were Here' was looping for an hour now and I felt tired all the bloody time.
I had all the reasons to cry.
But all I could do is to sit there against the shadows, the morning birth and Thom York.
I just couldn't cry no matter how hard I tried.
I have forgotten how to cry.
I can't cry.
I just couldn't.
I'm a robot.
you start crying when you least expect it.
ReplyDeletewhat hurts is that when you want to cry, nothing seems to come out, thus, u get angry and frustrated.
one day, you'll blow and your tears will flow. just give it time. dont ponder about it because im hell as sure its going to happen when u least expect it.
i guess the saying 'boys don't cry' is almost correct huh?
ReplyDeletei guess so...
ReplyDeleteGawd, it's what I lost too... well, I think everyone cries... like you said, it's only human... hang in there bro
ReplyDeletei dunno, it seems like when one attain the stage when one cannot cry at all, it seems like something die a long time ago.
ReplyDeleteJust horribly numb.
You walk around the days with bloodshot eyes, crawled skin and an odd temper, and then sitting there in the morning darkness, listening to the saddest songs ever, it is not an act of weakness, waiting to wail like a fraggy baby. I suppose just wanting to feel something, anything at all.