The only thing that was good about Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight Rises, in short TDKR, that it analyzed why its predecessor Dark Knight was the undisputed champion of Batman long list of franchise movies. Hell, this insight also showcase all of the flaws of every superhero gems that fail across the board in their theatric forms.
Sure, TDKR had a bigger war, stronger enemy, sexier female lead and a menacing batplane, but like any movies without the element of story and acting, had me writing a long and teary farewell note to the 3 freaking hours I had wasted sitting in the dark with yawning strangers. The only person who could act was Michael Caine as Alfred Pennyworth. Anything else that barely resembled any signs of acting was that nuclear bomb in the truck. Christian Bale as usual was as stoic as Tay Ping Hui. Anne Hathaway grinning dumbly from scene to scene. Morgan Freeman was acting Morgan Freeman acting as Morgan Freeman. Joseph Gordon-Levitt was always staring faraway dreamily as if he was shooting some tampon commercial and was perpetually enjoying an unbridled bliss from his crotch.
F**k this shit.
Shit number 1: The story was so unevenly paced, predictable and stupid that ruined my schoolboy infatuation with Nolan 10 minutes into the movie. Remember how beautifully scripted Dark Knight was? It's first 8 minutes show told the characters Joker and Batman through the eyes of criminals and cops without them even showing up the screen. It was the best opening ever. Simple, yet melodrama and well-paced.
Shit number 2: Nolan could use Elmo dolls from Toy'r'us as actors and they will make much more sense. The epic failure of TDKR has sealed Heath Ledger's Joker as the crowned reason why Dark Knight was legend-wait for it-ary!
Shit number 3: What's up with the Batplane? IT'S THAT MOTHERFATHER PLANE FROM AVATAR!
Shit number 4: Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Christian Bale.
Shit number 5: There is no logic or sense in Bane's villainous plot! Why would you come up with an elaborated plan of overthrowing a city with a nuclear bomb which will detonate in... wait for it 5 long month' time, and trapped thousands of policemen underground so that they could break free to fight back and oh so enough time for Batman to recover from a serious back injury in a supposedly 'Hell Prison' furnished with doctor, physiotherapist, ropes and healthy prisoners to cheer him on? An afternoon with Barney the dinosaur makes better sense!
Shit number 6: Why would Bane wear a mask that could break with a single blow on his face resulting in fatality? Why would you wear your Achilles heel on your face in a brawl?
Shit number 7: Epic showdown is just a school boys' brawl with really loud music.
Shit number 8: Here is TDKR formula: T-ta-ta someone sob story, music music, hundreds of cops marching in the street, someone sob story, Avatar plane flying here and there, music and really loud music, hundreds of cops marching in the sewer, music and more recycled music from Dark Knight, hundreds of cops trapped underground, someone punched something, more sob story and hundreds of cops marching in the streets. There you go. 3 hours of my life wasted.
Shit number 9: Instead of the stylish car chase in Dark Knight (remember the awesome scene with Joker shooting a bazooka and the freaking 16-tonnes truck flipped upright 90 degree and slammed down in Dark Knight? Here Nolan adopted B grade action movie director's wet dream of having Batplane flying aimlessly in the skies with tracking missiles hot on its tail. See Iron Man, Die Hard 4, Transformer and Independent Day, BITCH!
Shit number 10: Shitty ending. Batman flew a craft of a bomb-like object and sacrificed himself by blowing up in the sea. THAT'S CAPTAIN AMERICA'S ENDING! KNN.
Now excuse me while I go rewatch Dark Knight to get the god-awful taste of TDKR out of my mouth.
i didn't read this, that's because I haven't seen the film... I'll come back when I get around to watching it.. i have no life.. meh
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