All I Wanna Do Is Shoot You And Take Your Money

I have not post anything for quite a while and wasn't intend to do so all the way until December. But my low tolerance for crappy movies had to draw me out to the opening. The Happening had asked for it. Then I was depressed. Work becomes a slaughterhouse, we are all motherfucking butchers. I started drinking. For like three hours at the bar. Alone, right smack in the afternoon. Only poor souls drink during the day. All I want to do is to write. I'm narrating every detail in soft womb of my head. It was afternoon, the sun was out there on the window. It's amazing how bartender of an empty bar had so much to do, cleaned the sun off the window, cleaned the water off the glasses, rinsed pieces of metal for the thousandth time. God. Repetitions. Shouldn't bar tending supposed to be interesting? You bet it's way better than wiping asses, emptying urine, stuffing suppository up the butt, getting HIV through needle pricks and still go home with a lousy paycheck. I don't mind nursing actually. I have come to like it. I like the human contact. I like to be needed. I like to help. I like the conversations. I like the rush. I like old folks.

I just don't like to kill.

But now I'm sober. I can't write any more. Not at least until December. I wish I could have weed instead of medical oil and Vicks noserub. I am not a very patient man. I wish I could just write all day. I was going through my old discs the other day and found a backup of my really ancient stories. Some dated far back to year 2003!

People should really work for a year in their life and that's it. Get the experience of busting their asses for minimal wages and retire. Yes. I like coming home tired and lost, take a hot shower, have a warm meal and jump into the bed with your loved one. You will sleep like a baby. It helps you to appreciate life more. But I don't want to do it everyday for sixty years until I'm too old to pee straight or get an erection. All I want to do is to write and take your money.

Pray come December. There are some many shit I want to do. To write an hour everyday for the rest of my pissin' life. To watch all my favorite movies again and again. To learn how to ride a motorbike. Get married. Sleep without fear. Get a tan. Read every book. That's all I wanted. I don't need fancy life, don't need cocktail parties, I don't need new friends, I don't need your appreciation, I don't need your rejection or approval, I don't need a car, I don't need to win, I don't need a new heart, I don't need more desires, I don't need to excel.

I just need to grow up.

And take your money.