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I'm not suggesting I could write proper.
Writing is like a weird form of sex. And like all great intercourse, foreplay is vital. That's why no matter how earlier I had plan to write, I had to go through the drilling rituals of biting nails and spitting them all over the screen for examinations, sourcing for pictures best described my entry while watching South Park as the same time or I would be improving my mastery of trying to type with my feet. Yes, yours truly dreamt of typing out the complete works of Shakespeare. Heck, if a roomful of monkeys can do it, my feet no doubt will replace my hands in more ways than just flip the bird silently in my shoes at my school teachers in yesteryear.
Yes, it is very cool to able to flip the bird with my feet. I just wished that I'm shoeless when I'm doing that. Shoes are like condoms, surveillance technology and marriage: they robbed you of your freedom in change for security.
Have you looked at your own feet lately, you ungrateful bastards?
Finally, after exhausting my time on trying to whirl stuff between my toes and peering at the slimy contents of my fingernails on the computer screen, it's two o clock and the delirium from fighting not to sleep arrive and I will bash the keyboard mindlessly for several hours until I have written something I really loathe then I will go to sleep and look forward till the next session again.
I had probably composed (and deleted) twice the entries I had published, most of it were during my Soothsayer stint.
I write for two reasons. One, I write stuff that closely gel life experience with life fantasy into fictional entries, and those were not lacking at this site. I would probably include you in one of my stories if I had known you and you had silky hair and big breasts and things like that. Most of the female characters were inspired by my real experiences in my inability to attract them in the first place. Thus bleeding those fantasies into stories.
The other reason why I kept using up all my free time to write stuff was that I'm a lonely person. I felt that being lonely was a much worse social stigma than gay or admitting that you still listen to death metal. The Earth is filled with so many people and right in them, I have no one but a screen to talk to. This is unacceptable. I will refuse to come out of this closet and swear to combat this social and emotional disease through denial, imposed extroventic displays and a list of friends I can summon in times of need.
But my combating days are over for if I could summon them, I wouldn't be composing these crap to begin with. I guess the words, 'Dear Diary' had taken a deeper meaning.
I hate to write when I'm lonely. Because it were often composite of self desertion and detestation, And because it was the truth. Therefore they must go to the trash. Before I knew it, I had been publishing fictional stuff. I now know why Soothsayer is never ending.
Life as per image inserted: 'Do not cross to the full moon. Please turn away and walk the opposing direction.'
Cept that in Life, there probably ain't 'please' ba.
I actually understand what you are saying....How the hell did you get inside my head ?
ReplyDeleteI never wrote because I thought I was a good writer or because I thought my thoughts were so unique that I had to share them with everyone.Sure , I know that there is a shakespeare writing monkey which could probably outdo me with both its hands tied !
I write because its a nice way to pass time .
so you're saying Soothsayer is your Dark Tower? that would kinda make sense actually...
ReplyDeleteI know you're not seeking advice nor am I qualified to give any, but I have a disproportionate sense of self so I will anyway.
Loneliness is not a natural condition. Most, if not all, living creatures are social beings and humans are no exception. Extended denial of honest interaction almost always ends ugly.It is not healthy, and much like holding back a fart too long, you either shit your daks (in a phenomenon known as sharting) or the fart travels up your spine and into your brain, resulting in ideas that stink.
What is the raison d'être of your solitude? Elite forces in the military train themselves for extended isolation for a purpose. You should have one too. If it is fear, a feeling of alienation or despise for society, fuck em. No one really cares. Everyone's just out to have a good time so why shouldn't you?
The more the taciturn stay away from society at large, the more those evil, conniving bastards with the composite talents of a discarded potato skin will set the pace of normality. You have a responsibility. You owe it to all others like yourself, past, present and future, to get out there and claim your spot in the light. Farting in darkness just ain't on. And if any of those genetic defects insist you dance for them, bend them over and ream them a new one. They'll be better off with less pressure.
well said gentlemen. as for me sometimes the noise is just too much. that is not to say i like to hear myself think, but maybe i just want to look at myself in the mirror and still recognize the image. there is always some form of barter, however minimal, pornographic or banal, with human society. the older you get, the more sacrilegious and sanctimonious it becomes. it is tiring. it is treacherous. loneliness becomes me. next time you shake my hand inside a shiny building, pardon the half assed smile. the real self's sitting in a park bench under a street lamp somewhere. if you do find it, you are most welcome to sit.
ReplyDeleteI used to write a lot when I was lonely. And the more depressed I am, the better my writing gets. Is that how it's supposed to be? Is it any coincidence that life and literature begin and end with the same letters? Hmm.
ReplyDeleteyea.agree with scarlettrose. "I used to write a lot when I was lonely. And the more depressed I am, the better my writing gets. Is that how it's supposed to be? "
ReplyDeleteweird hw things work sometimes.
lol.but nw my writings all cannot make it. cos cant seems to find the right words no more.
I can't write when I'm lonely, except maybe poems when I'm really overwhelemd by emotions. I'm a writer who tries to write but the things that I really want to write about just won't show themselves. They hide under the guise of laziness.But I try...It's good you are doing something about it, too.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for missing out on some of "Soothsayer". I got confused with the order of things.
For me, story writing cannot be planned... although I am trying to compose an epic fantasy sci-fi that may probably only be published 10 years later. I'm not making much headway, though. Story writing for me is a spontaneous process. If it happens, thank goodness. If it doesn't, it just stops there.
ReplyDeleteThe Soothsayer is probably one of the most fascinating stories that I have ever read. Well done.
Hey , I can actually relate to what you write most of the times. Ms.J once told me that you write from the heart ..and it shows.
ReplyDeleteI don't write because I think I'm an extraordinary writer with special ideas which no one has thought of ...I know somewhere out there, there is a monkey typing shakepeare away without even knowing it .
Also lonliness is okay...Our society is made of 2/3rds of extroverts and the rest are introverts like me.We live inside ourselves , whereas extroverts are the exact opposites.Since extroverts outnumber us , they have traditiionally made all societal norms and rules .One of them is that lonliness is unnatural.
I choose to be lonely.I like it .Its not out od snobbishness or arrogance or a superiority complex.But I have also found out that I can fake it as an extrovert (not for long periods though , it leaves me all drained out )
So , for me its okay that I'm lonely.
And thanx for letting me rant in your space.
also , whatever you do , dont ever stop writing !
dark tower as per se stephen king's? not a big fan of the dark tower series even though i'm crazy about king. but who knows, probably i would pick it up again in future. look what i have done after dissing harry potter for so long, i'm a Rowling fan now.
ReplyDeletesharting is a welcoming term, but in regards to writing in lonesomeness resulting in ideas that stinks, different people might have different opinion on that.
the cause of my solitude? i have no friends simply. i dun know why, but it is true.
by the way, i dun quite understand your last statement.
cheerios.
that sounds vividly familiar
ReplyDeletei don't know if that's true for everyone. i think that depend on what kind of writing it is. but all my fave writers write best in times of desperation.
ReplyDeleterowling wrote her first potter book as a single mother trying to survive in her cramped rented place.
my fave book 'the dreamcatcher', king wrote it when he was lying in the hospital, drugged with painkillers for his broken leg after being run down by a van.
cos there are more positive examples: grisham blah blah blah can't think of any at the moment.
then it will also depend on the length of the writing. short proses, stories or poems is indulgent. anything longer than five thousand words will be grueling and testy. it's like banging your head to the wall and you cannot stop it. i once read an article on how much does famous writers spend on writing a day. they usually ration their writing in two to three hours in a day. apparently writing is akin to punishment that they had to ration well their suffering.
wicked.
stop speaking to anyone for three days, avoid all things fun and engage in mundane stuff day in and out.
ReplyDeletethis is how my imagination went berserk.
but then again, dun learn from me. this is shit. i'm shit.
i hate to write when i'm lonely too. absolutely disgust by my honesty. that's why it took me so long to reply to this entry.
ReplyDeletedon't worry abt soothsayer, it will pass.
i dun normally respond well with praises but this time i'll embrace yours.
ReplyDeletemaybe because it took me seven drafts and an entire month to get exdous 2 the well i want it and it's very tiring.
my morale for soothsayer bleed pretty dry at its second episode if not for its more intangible reward like gratification of defiance. if you had counted the number of time soothsayer appeared on the message board and you are thinking not again, well, imagine the dastardly number of time i want to quit this shit.
if not for souls like Jeniong, vikas and deciphering gave me boosts from its infancy and later on jit, though i probably won't end it in face of sheer arrogance but i won't not be as motivated to write em.
so this time, i will take your compliment. cos it's has been awfully draining and i need it. thanks.
hey you do pretty well with your examination of Mars and Venus.
ReplyDeletei think you are capable of generating your own materials instead of coping and paste others.
cheerios.
Wow ! I got a lot to learn from you !
ReplyDeletewhat? what did i do?
ReplyDeleteyes, Dark Tower à la Stephen King. it was his magnum opus and deviates quite a lot from his more popular material. stylistically, it was more stream of consciousness than formulaic and that appeals to me. not to say his other works aren't enjoyable but you sorta know how they are going to end.
ReplyDeletesolitude in order to clarify your thoughts is great. good ideas need to be buffed and polished, away from all that noise the outside world generates, in order to shine. but loneliness...if your intent is to write about pain or if pain drives you. to me, the danger in the latter is that we often don't realise when it ceases to drive us but to become us. then the writing becomes indulgent.
my last statement about responsibility? basically I am of the opinion that those of us (and I do occasionally lapse into these phases myself) who say we "choose" loneliness and that it is "natural" are merely consoling ourselves. the extroverts cannot be arsed defining who we are, the names they call us, the looks they give us is just an instinctive reaction against things they don't understand. we don't even register on their radar until we get out there. by staying away from contact, we are merely reinforcing those ideas.
so get out there, reclaim that bench in the park. take over a bar and fill it with poets, painters and philosophers. create a haven for honesty and you might find it's not so disgusting afterall.
hey, i'm currently into the dark tower. finished the first book. it was crap all over, but hey i will be hanging in there. guess i have too high expectations of king's works. hope it will turn out very interesting enough soon.
ReplyDeleteby the way i read on the teasers on the net that Roland would be seeking out King himself? uber cool.
wow you're really getting back into it huh? yeah it's a little too free flow and disjointed which doesn't appeal to alot of people but it works for me. and the whole gunslinging cowboy thing is like, fuck yeah!
ReplyDeleteRoland seeking out King would be way cool. being able to pull off little tricks like recursive and/or self-referential writing to break down the 4th wall, to me, is a mark of something awesome. Kurt Vonnegut does this as well.
anyway, the Dark Tower reference was not so much a comparison in styles but what that particular series of work represented to the author. in a foreword to the series, King wrote that Dark Tower was his first and longest piece of writing, that it simultaneously gave him joy and tormented him at the same time, knowing it was something that could never be completed.
i think roland is bisexual.
ReplyDeletehahaha now that's straight out of left-field!
ReplyDeleteseems that king didnt bother to explain how roland got his bullets from, man he gunned down the entire tull town for crying out loud.
ReplyDeletealways outnumbered, never outgunned.
suspension of disbelief lah bro, a cowboy with unlimited bullets in a post apocalyptic world is not that more entrenched in reality than a war between heaven and hell no?
ReplyDeleteyes, it will be romantic to suspend in the idea of disbelief but with king you can't.
ReplyDeletemost books his characters usually went on exasperated quests with elaborate effort: think misery, sheldon trying to sneak around in his wheelchair for painkillers and weapons. think It, how much the Loser's club had to track and kill pennywise which in particularly one scene king had elaborate how the kids went so painstakingly to melt silver from the jewelery to cast silver bullet against the werewolf. think christine, where the readers had to gone through the entire summer of lengthy shit just to know guilder recover from his broken leg, think from a buick 8, the endless experiments king put us through to ensure that car is out of this world, think cujo as the mother and her boy had to survive in a car for three days, in which everything was detailed, what they could savage to eat and drink, how would they pee and shit in the car.
the magic of king as i always placed was his uncanny ability to draw us in to think with his protagonists. almost heartbeat to heartbeat. that's why his stories chills and grabs people because we are in their heads, fighting along. to survive in a world such as the gunslinger did, roland would be expected to be resourceful, cunning and meaningful. his logics and reasoning must surely be acted on the chain of survival. i like it that roland had consider gunning down people he just meet so he won't have to sleep with an open eye. that was the cold hard logic of someone on the run, or rather on the hunt. what make hunters hunters are their detailed logics in planning and accessing dangers and resources. king rant about the lack of water, its importance in crossing the desert, they had to ration the damn water, how is it the king fails to explain in any way how roland gets his bullets. and with the brilliant mind of roland it is hard to accept that he doesn't bother about the only defense he had in the world that moved on.
in the way of the guns, king would eventually have to reason how roland gets his bullets because the cowboy theme is so strong in this series and simply because his guns are so important to him. bullets unlike water cannot be simply obtain from his journey through farmhouses and morbid villages. it would be interesting to find out what roland would partake to source for his ammunitions.
for now i will say it's because king was so young and raw when he started the first book as his writing and that immaturity really show in terms of drawing landscapes. i believe in due time when i advance down the series, king will rein roland better. because king rarely disappoint.
you forget that unlike his other work, Dark Tower is a series spanning his entire career, that it is more his personal Frankenstein than the little ready-to-eat sachets of pulp fiction he is popular for.
ReplyDeletechunks of land disappearing into nothingness? a glass house that is the center of all universes? intelligent flying trains? is it so hard to accept a man of the land like Roland is somehow resourceful enough to find ammo where there is none?
werewolves and the devil (think Needful Things) are convenient vehicles that need little or no explanation since they are already so embroiled in the collective consciousness, little bits of mythology re-introduced into the "real world" whereas Dark Tower is just the opposite - real world elements being woven into a completely fabricated fantasy landscape.
keep plowing through the series. I suspect you'll enjoy it more, both as certain mysteries are revealed and as you get accustomed to the flow.
Just got back to this again 'cause I've been checking old posts. Two comments:
ReplyDelete(1) I've only read Carrie from Stephen King. Not at all scary. Interesting, but not scary.
(2) I don't think people deliberately choose to be lonely. Alone, maybe, but not lonely. Crowds just aren't their thing.
no. carrie is sad.
ReplyDeleteI agree. They wanted it to be scary but it just wasn't. It would have been if it was really happening.
ReplyDeleteif it really happened, it still would be sad. carrie is the personification of all rejects, geeks and the bullied in highschools.
ReplyDeleteSad :( and scary :@
ReplyDelete